How often I have been guilty of SIN within my own life toward others. SIN of allowing the sun to go down my own anger. SIN of bitterness. SIN of walking in JUDGEMENT toward another.
I too am guilty of SIN before GOD.
I too am guilty of SIN before GOD.
If I have SINNED toward anyone on facebook (and I mean truly personally offended someone on facebook) then I ask not only before GOD - but I also ask for your forgiveness of my own inadequacies and my own SIN.
Currently, my biggest SIN of my own heart has been a SIN toward 'church' in a whole.
I have shared with my husband, Mark, many times throughout my life, that I feel safer with those living on the streets whom are deeply trapped in sin of drugs, alcoholics, prostitutes, and gang members - I have felt more 'safer' with these people than with people within a 'church building' setting. Most of this is because this is Mark's and my actual 'CALLING' IN GOD to minister to those outside the church building walls through Rescue Mission Ministry.
A Shepherd to those outside of the church buildings, whom have no guidance of a Shepherd.
Song:You loved me any way... by Sidewalk Prophets: Tired of a life riddle with tragedy, a girl makes what she decides is her last mistake, but when her father finds her suicide note he rushes to reassure her that no matter what she has done, he loves her anyway. Based on the original song "You Love Me Anyway" written and performed by the Sidewalk Prophets, this is a story of both pain and redemption.
A Shepherd to the Prodigal sons and daughters whom have gone astray and become trapped in the WORLD.... in which we desire to lead them back to wholeness in YESHUA (JESUS) and RESTORE them back to their Father's and Mother's House.
The main reason that 'Rescue Mission' Ministry began in 1826 originally in Scotland, and then it traveled to New York City in 1872 - was because the prostitutes of NYC in 1872 would go to the 'church' building settings to hear of GOD and God's Word -
These women were shunned and REJECTED and told to leave the 'church group' settings.
Maria McAuley- before she came to know JESUS as her LORD - she had been a prostitute and ran BROTHEL HOUSES in New York City. Jerry McAuley - before he came to know JESUS as his Lord - he had been a part of the original gangs of NYC and had been in and out of prison. When Jerry and Maria came to know JESUS as their LORD, REDEEMER, SAVIOUR - they repented, and went 180 degrees the opposite way.
Jerry and Maria heard the wounds of these broken women whom the 'church settings' were shunning, REJECTING, and turning away... so Jerry and Maria brought 'CHURH' to the broken women. Every Sunday morning - Jerry and Maria would set up CHURCH inside these brothel houses of Prostitution and share of God's Mercy, Love, and Redemption (inside the places of SIN (not in fancy church buildings outside - where these women were REJECTED)... When the women would truly accept JESUS as their Lord - it is recorded that they would fall on the floor and start weeping before GOD for they had no place to live for shelter, no family on the outside, and no place to belong.. So Jerry and Maria purchased a small old warehouse building and set up the first RESCUE MISSION MINISTRY in America that started in 1872. They provided 24 hour a day/7 days a week shelter, food, clothing, and the GOOD NEWS OF JESUS CHRIST to make people whole...
I also personally have experienced more 'HURT', 'WOUNDS', and 'REJECTIONS' through the 'church' settings. But yet, I belong with them for they are 'sheep' as myself and it is SIN to not be gathered together in GOD... for GOD never wants us to be alone, (a man unto himself, or a Maverick) for it is within the BODY (within these 'church' settings) where IRON sharpens IRON and I become accountable. We all have failed from within GOD's BODY... look at the BRIDE OF CHRIST - where there is 53% divorce rate, where there is hidden pornography and/or internet emotional relationships but people whom are fellow Believers, but it HIDDEN SECRETS OF SIN - when GOD sees all.
I allowed the SUN to go down on my anger and thus this gave Satan opportunity to place anger and a sin of UNFORGIVENESS and OFFENSE, which led to BITTERNESS, toward others (mainly certain Pastors, within certain 'church' settings, where I too have experienced REJECTION and was told to leave.).
You see, Mark and I, both of us, had been in full-time ministry at Albuquerque Rescue Mission for over 15 years. We went through many things together in this ministry. The Lord spoke to Mark for us to return back to my 'root' area in Illinois so God could do a deep inner healing of my heart.... but we also needed to be built back up for we had been in a battle of people's lives from the streets.... we were not weary from doing good, but we were weary of doing our 'calling' before GOD as Warriors for the Kingdom of God against the Prince of Darkness of people' souls.. We needed to be refreshed and built back up in Christ.
The Warrior is a CHILD - They don't know my tears...
When we returned back to this area, I became very ANGRY with GOD and with Mark for I felt they brought me back to this area to KILL ME. As for me I had not lived in this area since 1986 and it was GREAT for it was OUT OF SITE, OUT OF MIND.... I never spoke of anything pertaining to any of my past when we were out of this area....
But when we returned back to this area in 2005 - everything surfaced to the very top of my heart... the memories, the faces, the wounds... and a disorder of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) came straight to the surface. I was reentering a world of WAR from within the soul.... (not wanting to remember - but EVER THING was flooding my thoughts of memory)... I became sick of body, soul, and spirit. (to best describe this disorder for one whom suffers from it - place yourself inside a huge gigantic washing maching and the SPIN CYCLE has messed up and is SPINNING HARDER AND FASTER then it is suppose to SPIN and the 'OFF' Button has broken off... This describes what it is like for a person's thoughts and mind whom suffers from PTSD.)
God can heal this... as today I have been HEALED and am walking in that HEALING.... through Godly counsel by a professional counselor whom knows how to counsel (not a quick, hurry up, get over it attitude) but one whom understands and is patient.... GOD'S WORD reading HIS WORD all the time as this will WASH THE MIND with the WATER OF HIS WORD, and with friends whom will LOVE YOU through to HEALING (But not friends as JOBS FRIENDS as they would not be safe.)... But SAFE FRIENDS.
For me it felt as though I had been placed in a deep dark muddy hole in the earth and the more I struggled with my thoughts to get out - the more that the MUD drew me deeper into my soul and my thoughts.
It became my 'DARK NIGHT OF MY SOUL'... a place that I would not even wish upon my worst enemy in life... a place that even JOB suffered going through... and a place that only is between GOD AND YOU ONLY... For it is a deep time of REFINING THE PURITY OF PURE GOLD through FIRE as all the dormant JUNK of one's life floats to the surface where EVERYONE can gaze into my personal EVIL of my own heart issues as they float to the top (as with JOB as his friends counseled JOB wrong, not knowing the anguish of JOBS HEART, SOUL, AND MIND)...
The Warrior is a CHILD - They don't know my tears...
When we returned back to this area, I became very ANGRY with GOD and with Mark for I felt they brought me back to this area to KILL ME. As for me I had not lived in this area since 1986 and it was GREAT for it was OUT OF SITE, OUT OF MIND.... I never spoke of anything pertaining to any of my past when we were out of this area....
But when we returned back to this area in 2005 - everything surfaced to the very top of my heart... the memories, the faces, the wounds... and a disorder of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) came straight to the surface. I was reentering a world of WAR from within the soul.... (not wanting to remember - but EVER THING was flooding my thoughts of memory)... I became sick of body, soul, and spirit. (to best describe this disorder for one whom suffers from it - place yourself inside a huge gigantic washing maching and the SPIN CYCLE has messed up and is SPINNING HARDER AND FASTER then it is suppose to SPIN and the 'OFF' Button has broken off... This describes what it is like for a person's thoughts and mind whom suffers from PTSD.) God can heal this... as today I have been HEALED and am walking in that HEALING.... through Godly counsel by a professional counselor whom knows how to counsel (not a quick, hurry up, get over it attitude) but one whom understands and is patient.... GOD'S WORD reading HIS WORD all the time as this will WASH THE MIND with the WATER OF HIS WORD, and with friends whom will LOVE YOU through to HEALING (But not friends as JOBS FRIENDS as they would not be safe.)... But SAFE FRIENDS.
For me it felt as though I had been placed in a deep dark muddy hole in the earth and the more I struggled with my thoughts to get out - the more that the MUD drew me deeper into my soul and my thoughts.
It became my 'DARK NIGHT OF MY SOUL'... a place that I would not even wish upon my worst enemy in life... a place that even JOB suffered going through... and a place that only is between GOD AND YOU ONLY... For it is a deep time of REFINING THE PURITY OF PURE GOLD through FIRE as all the dormant JUNK of one's life floats to the surface where EVERYONE can gaze into my personal EVIL of my own heart issues as they float to the top (as with JOB as his friends counseled JOB wrong, not knowing the anguish of JOBS HEART, SOUL, AND MIND)...
EXPLANATION OF DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL:
Dark Night of the Soul
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Poem and treatise by Saint John of the Cross
Dark Night of the Soul ( panish: La noche oscura del alma) is the title of a poem written by 16th-century Spanish poet and Roman Catholic mystic Saint John of the Cross, as well as of a treatise he wrote later, commenting on the poem. Saint John of the Cross was a Carmelite priest. His poem narrates the journey of the soul from its bodily home to its union with God. The journey occurs during the night, which represents the hardships and difficulties the soul meets in detachment from the world and reaching the light of the union with the Creator. There are several steps in this night, which are related in successive stanzas. The main idea of the poem can be seen as the painful experience that people endure as they seek to grow in spiritual maturity and union with God. The poem is divided into two books that reflect the two phases of the dark night. The first is a purification of the senses. The second and more intense of the two stages is that of the purification of the spirit, which is the less common of the two. Dark Night of the Soul further describes the ten steps on the ladder of mystical love, previously described by Saint Thomas Aquinas and in part by Aristotle. The text was written while John of the Cross was imprisoned by his Carmelite brothers, who opposed his reformations to the Order.
The treatise, written later, is a theological commentary on the poem, explaining its meaning by stanza.
Spiritual term in the Christian tradition
Main article: Spiritual dryness
The term "dark night (of the soul)" is used in Christianity for a spiritual crisis in a journey towards union with God, like that described by Saint John of the Cross.Typically for a believer in the dark night of the soul, spiritual disciplines (such as prayer and consistent devotion to God) suddenly seem to lose all their experiential value; traditional prayer is extremely difficult and unrewarding for an extended period of time during this "dark night." The individual may feel as though God has suddenly abandoned them or that his or her prayer life has collapsed. It is important to note however that the presence of doubt is not tantamount to abandonment—as there is a strong Biblical tradition of authentic confusion before God. Psalms 13, 22, and 44 display King David, the 'man after God's own heart' undergoing serious confusion before and anguish with God, yet this is not condemned or mentioned as being unfaithful, but rather as the only measure of faith that David could have in the face of such withering apparent abandonment.
Rather than resulting in permanent devastation, the dark night is regarded by mystics and others as a blessing in disguise, whereby the individual is stripped (in the dark night of the senses) of the spiritual ecstasy associated with acts of virtue. Although individuals may for a time seem to outwardly decline in their practices of virtue, in reality they become more virtuous, as they are being virtuous less for the spiritual rewards (ecstasies in the cases of the first night) obtained and more out of a true love for God. It is this purgatory, a purgation of the soul, that brings purity and union with God.
Jesus Christ may also have experienced such a crisis, when uttering My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? on the cross, before dying. Jesus was quoting Psalm 22, which contains many parallels to Jesus' suffering and death, most likely in an attempt to point out the similarities of his situation to the Psalm to the onlookers as he died: "O God my God, look upon me: why hast thou forsaken me? Far from my salvation are the words of my sins".
Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, a 19th-century French Carmelite, underwent similar experience. Centering on doubts about the afterlife, she reportedly told her fellow nuns, "If you only knew what darkness I am plunged into."[1]
While this crisis is usually temporary in nature, it may last for extended periods. The "dark night" of Saint Paul of the Cross in the 18th century lasted 45 years, from which he ultimately recovered. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, according to letters released in 2007, "may be the most extensive such case on record", lasting from 1948 almost up until her death in 1997, with only brief interludes of relief between.[2] Franciscan Friar Father Benedict Groeschel, a friend of Mother Teresa for a large part of her life, claims that "the darkness left" towards the end of her life.[3]
It was not a place that I chose to be - but it was a place GOD chose for me to be as HE DUG DEEP into the Darkest part of my soul and my mind.
While going through this DEEPEST NIGHT of my soul, I did not need friends as JOBS FRIENDS, to tell me of my wrong before GOD, or to JUDGE me, or to be negative toward me... but I just needed a 'friend' to sit by me and minister and comfort me through this time of my life... I just needed a friend.
They treated my talking of my past through my PTSD disorder as 'sin' and that I needed to be corrected in this sin. But this was NOT SIN, but it was a broken heart of a broken woman that simply just needed a friend to care. They placed me on the outside and asked me to 'leave'...
In May 2010, when this happened - I wept for days and days and did not even want to go back to any 'church' building setting. I even went to one of the women of this church women's group (that REJECTED me)... and asked her to forgive me for speaking of the pain of my PAST, but she pushed away and hatefully said to me "I really don't want to deal with you, just leave me alone'...
Since that time, I also have learned within these past two weeks (not speaking of this to others) that this same church has also 'REJECTED' others and told them also to leave (Even one couple had separated in marriage while attending this church, and because of this, after the 2nd counseling meeting with the church pastor, they were asked to 'leave')... Because the Lord has brought these things to me (without me seeking it out or sharing anything to anyone) but it was bought up from their own mouths - I now realize that it is not me personally, for I am not alone.
My counselor, whom knows me best (except GOD and Mark), her husband has a deep gift of DISCERNMENT of GOD. She shared with me that one day as they were coming toward this church setting that she asked her husband to pray and what he was getting from his heart concerning this church. They pulled in the church parking lot as he prayed and he shared with her 'I get a spirit of being very RIGID, almost a religious standard RIGID, placing people in boxes and if the person goes outside that box then they will be REJECTED by this church, and a strong spirit of JUDGEMENT with this RIGID standard line which is 'man' - not GOD. But the strongest feeling was 'RIGID of Judgement toward others whom did not fit in' Her husband knew nothing about me.....
Is this what 'church' is suppose to be and how we treat those whom are broken.... even in 1872 when broken women (as prostitutes) came through the doors of 'church building' settings - they too were REJECTED and placed on the outside...
What is the purpose of CHURCH? If we become a 'comfortable' zone setting but if we are not 'comfortable' with a broken person and we 'REJECT' them for being broken - where can they go to where they will be accepted, loved, encouraged, embraced to HEALING AND TO VICTORY....
Is it okay for churches to have 'support' groups for broken people to gain healing step-by-step rather then being REJECTED.... for this group to listen to the pain and suffering but then applying the BALM of Gilad upon their wounds, showing kindness, patience, understanding, and GOD's loving MERCY but at the same time pressing in a gentle way toward the GOAL of being delivered and brought to HEALING of the soul (without being pushed away).... no matter how long it takes for others (since it is not cookie cutter molds)... and we all are different...
Is this kind of church setting SAFE for personal family whom are all hired in this church setting, and SAFE for those whom this family embraces and feels COMFORTABLE with and people whom always say 'YES with their positive approvals and positive feedback and support'... But is this kind of 'church setting' SAFE for broken people? (Note: My counselor has had me reading a book called 'SAFE PEOPLE' as my assignments. I am recognizing that there are truly SAFE PEOPLE but there are those whom are not SAFE PEOPLE to have around... (Such as JOBS FRIENDS were not safe people to have around during the process of what JOB was going through.)
The feeling I picked up from this 'church Pastor' is 'I told you once, or you went through the program once, so now you need to get over it and move foward'... but this places people as 'cookie cutter molds' of one size fits all....
Personally I am more SCARED of CHURCHES as this - then people in gangs...
But since that time Mark and I have been able to find where we belong in a 'church setting' where it truly has been SAFE for us. Because of this I have come to HEALING and being set FREE from the memories of HELL that I do not want to take ownership with any longer... But it came because it became a SAFE PLACE for Mark and me as a couple...
But this is where I have SINNED before GOD... For I allowed the sun to set on my 'ANGER AND HURT' from this REJECTION and this gave Satan an opportunity of offense, which then turned into BITTERNESS.... I am greatly ASHAMED of this SIN.
My heart before my Lord has been wrong and I have sinned before my GOD.
My heart is filled with great tears of sorrow for my own sin from my own heart actions.
Please BELOVED PASTOR(S) if I have offended you in any way.... I ask your forgivness before my GOD for my heart is in great sorrow for the 'evil' within my own heart.
I desire so badly to be reconciled to this PASTOR and I have cried out to this Pastor, but I do not think he wants anything to with me. It has not been from me having a spirit of Jezebel against this Pastor for I am not against this Pastor or church at all, as this is a solid church of GOD that GOD is using, and they are a blessing to my heart, and I want no place of recognition or power but I simply have been hurt from REJECTION done through this church and I just want to be reconciled. The tears of my heart are real...
I desire so badly to be reconciled to this PASTOR and I have cried out to this Pastor, but I do not think he wants anything to with me. It has not been from me having a spirit of Jezebel against this Pastor for I am not against this Pastor or church at all, as this is a solid church of GOD that GOD is using, and they are a blessing to my heart, and I want no place of recognition or power but I simply have been hurt from REJECTION done through this church and I just want to be reconciled. The tears of my heart are real...
I want to have a PURE, RIGHT HEART BEFORE HIM (GOD)... so I can 'see HIM face to face'... a.d yet my heart is filthy with great SINS from secret places from within.
I am learning daily and I am CHANGING DAILY in God... for I want MORE OF HIM and less of me. But yet, I am guilty....
If any of us, have wronged or offended a brother and/or sister in our Lord Jesus, or with anyone: if you have spoken and gossiped against a brother or sister behind their backs; if you have stolen from anyone; if you have coveted what someone else has; if you have JUDGED a sister/brother in the Lord even judging a person having a Jezebel Spirit - this too is SIN before God as this is putting yourself in JUDGEMENT of a brother/sister; if you are married and have had an affair with committing adultery; and/or even having an Internet emotional affair and you are married - this too is the same as adultery and you are playing a GAME of FIRE with sin - and GOD sees ALL - as nothing is hidden with GOD.
If you are PLAYING ANY OF THESE GAMES OF SIN - confess the 'sin' (no4 only with GOD) but with the actual person face-to-face where you have actually committed the SIN toward and/or harmed with your WORDS OR ACTIONS.
If we 'REJECT' our own brothers and sisters because they are BROKEN then how can we LOVE OUR ENEMIES whom hate our LORD JESUS.....
If we 'REJECT' our own brothers and sisters because they are BROKEN then how can we LOVE OUR ENEMIES whom hate our LORD JESUS.....
It is a cheap way to only confess to GOD in secret only - but it will make a real CHANGE OF HEART to confess to the actual person whom you have done wrong towards.... God's Word says:
Numbers 5:5-7 Confession and Restitution
5 Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, 6 “Speak to the children of Israel: ‘When a man or woman commits any sin that men commit in unfaithfulness against the LORD, and that person is guilty, 7 then he shall confess the sin which he has committed. He shall make restitution for his trespass in full, plus one-fifth (20%) of it, and give it to the one he has wronged.
Matthew 5:23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift (sacrifice) to the altar, and there rememerest that thy brother hath ought against thee; 24Leave there thy gift (sacrifice) before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
Matthew 6:15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 18:21-22 "[21] Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" [22] Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
Galatians 6:1 "[1] Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted."
2 Corinthians 2:6-8 "[6] The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. [7] Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. [8] I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him."
Lord, thank you for showing me the filthiness of my own sin and evil of my own heart before You. Thank you for loving me enough to show me my wrong. Please Lord forgive me of these sins before You. Lord let me hear from my brother as my heart would greatly be encouraged to see how you bring about us being RECONCILED in You... I want this more than anything Lord... Bless this Pastor and this CHURCH for they do love you greatly and they are moving strong in You... We all have failed as human beings.... Lord, as you hung on the cross, shedding your blood for our sins, you cried out 'Father, forgive them for they know not what they do'... Father God, forgive all of us as Believers as we do not know what we do toward one another... YOUR Body Lord, YOUR 'CHURCH'... Start by forgiving me for being wrong with YOUR CHURCH and YOUR BODY... Thank you Lord for your BLOOD. YESHUA (JESUS) IS MY LORD....
I am HEALED, I am SET FREE, I am DELIVERED, I am WHOLE in Christ JESUS.... If man rejects me - this is okay - for man rejected JESUS too... What matters is that GOD accepts ALL of me.... and HE WILL NEVER REJECT ME and HE WILL NEVER REJECT YOU...
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